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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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But then, something amazing happens. I’m sitting there, sulking, when this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this huge smile, and she’s like, “You’re the potter, right? I love your work!” I’m like, “Wait, what? You know me?” Turns out, she’s been buying my stuff for years. She tells me about her favorite piece, and I’m all warm and fuzzy inside.

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